Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
