you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All the doctor said was why
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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