my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
