I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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