i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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