I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
