I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize