I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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