When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
