So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
