His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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