I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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