We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
