I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
