I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
