The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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