u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
