yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
