Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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