i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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