im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
