Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
