Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I will be naked everywhere
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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