when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
