Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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