She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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