Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
