Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
