He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
