i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is my gift to your gina
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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