Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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