I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
