Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Actions speak louder than pants.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
