I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
