One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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