Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
