I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
