Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
