Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
