I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
