I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
