I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
