we have officially lost it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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