alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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