Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
