there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
