We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You took a bar mat shot.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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