I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
