Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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