You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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