and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
