Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
