Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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