I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We were destined to go to rehab together
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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