At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
