This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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