he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Are my feet made of real feet?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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