hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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