Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
