PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
