I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
