But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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