ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
