when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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