he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
