I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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