the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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