it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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