at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
