We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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