I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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