two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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