It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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