i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
