So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
