he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
