My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
